Seasonal Survival Skills of the Grey Nomads
It appears that not all the Happy Wanderers have been good little vegemites during 2003 - at least 10 members were exiled to Tassie so that Santa couldn’t find them! We have proof - we received a bizarre phone message from 2 of these felons when they were actually aboard the convict ship and being transported across Bass Strait to Tasmania. We positively identified them as Wandering Lee and Grumpy Bill. They repeatedly called for some silly old fart - we didn’t know whether they required help from Boy Wonder or they’d lost Cliff. The phone signal was poor and we couldn’t accurately say whether "Spirit of Tasmania" was the name of the vessel or what they were drinking! They may be allowed to return to the mainland when they have learned to behave themselves - after all it is the season of good Bill!
Our research into the Grey Nomads continues despite their decreasing numbers over the silly season. The novice nomad will spend the first Christmas in a caravan park and remain for a few weeks, they will be joined by a few Mums and Dads and their cherubic offspring who have opted for "A tinsel tent Xmas camp" - all good clean family fun ... until daybreak on December 26th. These little cherubs have no further need to be good as Santa dropped off the goodies yesterday. The Nomad will discover the exact nature of these goodies when he has to run the obstacle course through them in order to reach the toilet block for the 2am pit stop. After jamming a big toe in bicycle spokes, standing in a bucket of disembowelled crabs and then trying to disengage the dressing gown from a still-baited squid jag - the thought of unpacking the porta-potty is looking increasingly attractive! More and more of these happy campers arrive until it became essential to wear a bike helmet, earmuffs and steel capped boots just to go or a shower.
The experienced Nomad has got all this sussed out - he will stay at a caravan park for a week before Xmas and visit the tourist attractions while the cherubs are busy attempting to cause the parental credit card to self destruct. At precisely dawn on December 26th the Nomads adopt "SLEEP mode" (Speed of Light Emergency Evacuation Procedure) and disappear into the scrub where they set up small geriatric communes. They hibernate here until all the cherubs have been recaptured and detained at a convenient educational institution.
To avoid discovery the Nomads will only allow one couple to leave the commune at a time, and only in order to replenish dwindling supplies. The supply scouts can be readily identified in shopping centre car parks, cramming their vehicle with high quantities of Grape juice casks, Emu juice cans, UHF milk and loaves of Buttercup Multigrain! Early in February they can be seen creeping out of the bush, by the hundred, and cautiously resuming their Nomadic ways until the cherubs escape again.
Until our next scoop -
Cat Woman and Boy Wonder
P.S. The Spirit of Tasmania sounds very enjoyable - could you send us a bottle?
Disclaimer : please note